SHIFTING ROOTS

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When Loved Ones Die: Grieving in Your 20’s and Early 30’s

April 21, 2017

First of all, this is a terrible title for a post.  It’s not a how-to or a manual as there’s really no such thing for grief.  However, there’s not a lot written out there about dealing with grief in this age and stage of life that I’m in, so I want it to be easily found by someone searching for it.

If you’re new to this blog, you might want to read this post and this post to understand the context of what I’m writing.  To get you up to speed, my grandma died a month ago and I’m writing about my grieving process.  What you also don’t know if you’re new to this blog or don’t know me in real life, is that my Dad (my grandma’s son) died in a car accident when I was 24, so that’s why I’m making the age range so big.  It feels like I’m re-greiving my Dad as I grieve my Grandma.

Okay, let’s get started.

[Read more…]

Kristen Raney

Kristen is a former farm kid turned urban gardener who owns the popular gardening website, Shifting Roots.  She is obsessed with growing flowers and pushing the limits of what can be grown in her zone 3b garden.  She also loves to grow tomatoes, but oddly enough, dislikes eating them raw.

www.shiftingroots.com

36 Comments
Filed Under: Uncategorised Tagged: 20 something, 20's, 30 something, 30's, death, dying, emotions, grief, grieving

The Life Between the Lines

March 26, 2017

Today I wrote my grandma’s obituary. It goes something like this:

Elizabeth
1923 – 2017
Elizabeth passed away peacefully on Tuesday, March 21, 2017, with family at her side. Elizabeth was born at home in the Wilmont area, where she spent her life as a homemaker helping out on the farm. She attended Keller school and attained a Gr. 7 education. In 1943 she married Anthony and they took over the family farm. In 1955 they had one son, Gerard. Their son took over the farm and they retired to Humboldt. Elizabeth was an active member of the CWL and was very involved with St. Augustine’s Parish. In her spare time she enjoyed bowling, playing cards, embroidery, quilting, rug making, knitting, and sewing. She delighted in showing her visitors her latest creation. Elizabeth loved to visit with family and friends, and always made sure that you left her house full of her delicious cooking and baking. She lived in her own home until she was 90, then lived her last years at St. Mary’s Villa.

[Read more…]

Kristen Raney

Kristen is a former farm kid turned urban gardener who owns the popular gardening website, Shifting Roots.  She is obsessed with growing flowers and pushing the limits of what can be grown in her zone 3b garden.  She also loves to grow tomatoes, but oddly enough, dislikes eating them raw.

www.shiftingroots.com

5 Comments
Filed Under: Uncategorised Tagged: death, dying, happiness, lessons, life, obituary, relationships

The Last Few Years

March 19, 2017

I’ll never forget that day. I was 11, and I was just finishing my after-school snack at my Grandma’s house. My Grandma came up to me and said,”Kristen, I’ve taken care of you for the last 11 years, now it’s time for you to take care of me for the next 11.” She was teasing, but little did she know how right she would be.

My Grandma and I were always close. When I was a little girl I would cry when it was time for her to go home and beg my parents to let me stay overnight at her house. I loved helping her bake and always hoped that someday my baking would be just as good as hers. She taught me to knit and embroider, although I wasn’t really patient enough for either task. She always had a project on the go and loved to show me the progress every time I came over.

I noticed my Grandma start to slow down after she had to have surgery on her knee, when she was in her early 80’s. But she was still fine to live on her own and manage her own affairs. Then my Dad died. I was only 24. He was her only child and I was his. It was just me and her now.

I had a decision to make. Do I say circumstances be damned and do my own thing anyway, or do I arrange my life so I can be there for what remains of hers?

I chose the latter.

It’s not easy being a caregiver in your twenties and early thirties.  The only people who understand what you’re going through are twice your age.  You thankfully have the energy, but you have to make the time. I arranged my schedule so that I had work in her city one day a week and a built in excuse to see her. Then I also visited most weekends.

For a couple of years this was a good arrangement. I could see her regularly and help deal with her mail, take her grocery shopping, and do any little things around the house that she needed help with.

It was good until it suddenly wasn’t. I don’t know what it was, but I remember talking to her on the phone one day and I realized that living an hour away wasn’t going to cut it anymore. I asked my husband if he was okay with us moving, and he didn’t bat an eye. Bless him.

It’s a terrible secret about aging. There’s this horrible gap between living-independently-and-not-needing-help and getting in to a nursing home. Your loved one obviously needs more help, but they’re not “bad enough” to qualify for entry into a nursing home. Homecare and Meals on Wheels can help fill in the gaps, but only to a point.

It was during this time that I felt the full weight of being an only-child-of-an-only-child. (Not that having a sibling guarantees everything will go smoothly!! However, there is a better chance that you’re able to divide up some of the care.) How do you balance an aging grandma, a two year old son, and your own business, all while your husband is sent away for work most of time because the economy is terrible?

Sometimes really poorly. There were terrible moments where I was holding on to my Grandma on an icy sidewalk and my young son would run away. Who do you go after? The one who might fall and break a bone? Or the one who might run the wrong way and hurt himself?

I also tried to ignore the emotional and physical toll that being a caregiver takes, and packed my schedule way too full. I could do anything, right? I was young, and everyone else was progressing in their careers, so why couldn’t I too?

Let’s just say that over scheduling + tons of stress = Mono.

However, there were many blessings during this time. I got to know my grandma better and find out more about her life. My grandma got to be close to her great-grandson and shower him with love. I learned how much like her I really am. In fact, this blog probably wouldn’t even exist if it wasn’t for her influence.

During her time at the nursing home we found a loving community. The staff loved her with all their hearts and every time I visited she always talked about how well they treated her. We made friends with other residents and their families and built our own little community of people who understand.

And now my Grandma is dying. I don’t know how long she has left. Maybe a day, maybe a week at most. It’s hard, but at least I get to say goodbye. At least I’ve had the opportunity to say everything I needed to say, and I have the luxury of being there to hold her hand until the end. (A huge thank you to all my parents and employers who have been very gracious in letting me take this time off.)

It’s hard to put everything into words. All I can say is that you never regret the sacrifices you make for the people you love.

Hi Readers.  This post is my way of letting you know that I won’t be writing as regularly for the next little while.  I do have some draft-posts that wouldn’t take much to get out there, but I can’t promise anything.  Thank you for your understanding. 

Kristen Raney

Kristen is a former farm kid turned urban gardener who owns the popular gardening website, Shifting Roots.  She is obsessed with growing flowers and pushing the limits of what can be grown in her zone 3b garden.  She also loves to grow tomatoes, but oddly enough, dislikes eating them raw.

www.shiftingroots.com

6 Comments
Filed Under: Uncategorised Tagged: death, dying, Grandma, love, relationships

Grow roots with us

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Welcome!

Hi, I'm Kristen and I help new gardeners learn to grow their own vegetables and beautify their yards. I also share recipes that use all that delicious garden produce. Grab a coffee (and your gardening gloves) and join me for gardening tips, simple recipes, and the occasional DIY, all from the lovely city of Saskatoon, Saskatchewan.

P.S. First time gardener? You'll want to download the quick start gardening guide below!

Recent Posts

  • 5 Easy Ways to Increase Pollination in Your Vegetable Garden
  • Bloom Times: What Cut Flowers Grow When in Zone 3
  • The Best Vegetables & Flowers to Start with Winter Sowing
  • 21 Cut Flowers to Grow in Part Shade
  • The Best Grow Lights for Seedlings (from Budget to Bougie)

Welcome!

Hi, I’m Kristen and I help new gardeners learn to grow their own vegetables and beautify their yards. I also share recipes that use all that delicious garden produce. Grab a coffee (and your gardening gloves) and join me for gardening tips, simple recipes, and the occasional DIY, all from the lovely city of Saskatoon, Saskatchewan.

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I love seeing the world through this loving boy’ I love seeing the world through this loving boy’s eyes.  Honestly, I’ve been so sick that I wasn’t really in the mood to “do Valentines Day” but there was this sweet little voice going on about how excited he was for today and how much he loves his family and I just couldn’t resist.  So whether you’re on your own, part of a couple, or in the thick of life-with-littles craziness, Happy Valentines Day!

#valentinesday2020 #mylittlevalentine #boymomlife #lifewithlittles
How do you pass a cold -28 day? By planning your How do you pass a cold -28 day?  By planning your garden, of course!  Today in my stories I’ll be going through the steps I take to start planning everything out.  I’m curious, do you start planning now or wait until the last minute?

P.S.  want your own copy of this planner?  This is the newly updated paid version and it’s on sale by itself from now until Sunday for only $5.  If you’re from Canada, use the code CANADA to make $5 USD be closer to $5 CAD.  Head over to the link in my bio to get yours.

#gardenplanning #gardenplanner #gardenersofinstagram #gardenersofig #organizedlife #organizedliving #wintergardening
Curious about growing lettuce indoors? My experim Curious about growing lettuce indoors?  My experiment is a success so far, although it’s still going to be awhile before I’m eating another salad off of them.

Okay, so maybe a little rant today.  I think sometimes in the gardening space we’re guilty of making things seem easier than they are.  Myself included.  This lettuce project is a case in point.

Was it easy?  Yes.  But will it provide me with endless salads all winter long? Nope.  Or at least not at this scale.  I’m going to estimate that I’d need at least 15 plants this size, especially since it’s winter and everything just grows slower.  And I’m the only person in my family who really eats salad.

In conclusion, this is a fun project to pass the winter, and not a truly sustainable source of lettuce.

Thoughts?

#growinglettuce #eatwhatyougrow #growwhatyoueat #wintergardening #indoorgardening #plantproject #sustainablefood #gardenersofinstagram #gardenerslife #northerngardening
Part of the mystery of seed starting is knowing ex Part of the mystery of seed starting is knowing exactly what to start when.  Every two weeks, I'll be posting these handy guides so you have enough time to order your seeds and be ready to plant when it's time for your area.  To find out when these veggies, herbs, and flowers need to be started where you live. . . ⁠
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1. Search out your area's last frost date.  There are plenty of calculators on the Internet.⁠
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2. Count backwards 8 weeks from that date.⁠
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3. Start these seeds when that date hits.⁠
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If you follow me because we're in similar zones--don't panic, it's not time yet!! I won't be starting my 10 week seeds for another two weeks, and even that is slightly on the early side. (I'm starting everything a bit early so I can hopefully plant it out before baby gets here--I won't be physically able to do it after.) I like posting the info early for followers in warmer zones and so you can save it and still have time to order/buy seeds & supplies.⁠
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Which one of these are you most excited to start?⁠
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#seedstarting #seedlings #homegardener #northerngardener #homesteading #urbandhomesteading #homesteadingskills #gardenlife #gardenlifestyle #startingseeds
Eeeek!!! My luffa seedlings are up!! I’m growing Eeeek!!! My luffa seedlings are up!! I’m growing the whole seed packet in hopes that a few of these little luffa babies will provide me with zero waste sponges that I can use for home cleaning, and as an exfoliant in home made beauty products.

The catch?

These plants are notoriously hard to grow, especially when you live somewhere cold with a really cold growing season—and if they get a hint of frost on them they turn to mush and all my hard work is ruined.

Gulp.

But gardeners are born optimists, so I’m giving it a shot—because you miss 100% of the shots you don’t take.

P.S. if you’re trying luffa in zone 3 like me, just basically ignore all the directions on the seed packet.  Start them immediately (two weeks ago would have been ideal) and follow along because I’ll show you exactly what to do and when.  I’ll be popping these under a grow light once the sun goes down.

#luffagourd #luffa #loofah #seedlings #seedstarting #northerngardening #northerngardener #gardenersofinstagram #gardenersofig #mygardenthismonth #gardenlife #canadiangardening
This weekend I took a big leap of faith. I came t This weekend I took a big leap of faith.  I came to New York to meet with other content creators/business owners to dig deep into what we do and create a strategy around our messaging.  I don’t even know how to properly describe what all went down, but is was incredibly life changing and I really feel connected to this tribe of women who are committed to playing to win and being the people our businesses need us to be.  I’m so excited to share what I’ve planned for my business with you in the coming months.

#playtowin #gardenblogger #businessowner #wahmlife
Is there such a thing as a no-fail houseplant? I Is there such a thing as a no-fail houseplant?  I think the Sansevera or Snake Plant or Mother-in-law’s tongue comes close.  Sure, it might be the vanilla of the plant-loving world, but it is so good for so many situations!⁠
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It can handle you forgetting to water it, low light, or bright light.  It is somewhat forgiving if you are an over-waterer. ⁠
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I’ve had this one for 2 or 3 years now and I keep getting rewarded with more spikes.⁠
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Plant lovers, is there another houseplant you think would be perfect for beginners?⁠
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#crazyplantlady #houseplantsofig #houseplantsofinstagram #snakeplant #houseplantlove
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