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When Loved Ones Die: Grieving in Your 20’s and Early 30’s

April 21, 2017

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First of all, this is a terrible title for a post.  It’s not a how-to or a manual as there’s really no such thing for grief.  However, there’s not a lot written out there about dealing with grief in this age and stage of life that I’m in, so I want it to be easily found by someone searching for it.

If you’re new to this blog, you might want to read this post and this post to understand the context of what I’m writing.  To get you up to speed, my grandma died a month ago and I’m writing about my grieving process.  What you also don’t know if you’re new to this blog or don’t know me in real life, is that my Dad (my grandma’s son) died in a car accident when I was 24, so that’s why I’m making the age range so big.  It feels like I’m re-greiving my Dad as I grieve my Grandma.

Okay, let’s get started.

Grief is putting a smile on my face that betrays the sadness in my eyes.  When someone you love dies, the people around you want to know how you’re doing.  Those who’ve never had someone close to them die want you to just return to normal.  The thing is, you feel like you’ll never be normal again.  All around you life is moving forward, but someone you love is missing.  They’ll never see that beautiful sunset or experience another spring.  If it’s been a long time since they died, you realize that technology has changed so much that what’s available today would be quite foreign to them.

Grief takes time

Those who have experienced loss know that it just takes time.  There’s no magic point where you’ll suddenly be better.  The worst part about grieving the first time is that you keep thinking there should be this magic point.  A month?  6 months?  Surely after a year?  But no. There is no time line and no exact end point.

You’ll realize you’re doing better when one day you wake up and you have energy to start the day.  Or you can actually go to bed at a reasonable hour and your insomnia has subsided.  Later you’ll realize that things are actually funny again.  Years from now you might go the odd day without thinking about your loved one.

The Truth Behind “I’m fine”

Well, on the outside I probably seem mostly fine.  If you don’t know me you’d probably have no idea that I’ve lost someone recently.  Some days I’m starting to feel fine, sometimes.

Other days it feels like the only reason I’m okay is because I have to be for my family.  Yes, I’m past the worst of the can’t sleep/random crying/easily set off stage, but I’m not quite done.  Some days its simply hard to breathe.  I go for walks because I know that I simply need some endorphins to counteract all the sadness.

I think what surprises me the most as I’m grieving this time is that I’m okay with the grieving process and it is easier to go through it because I know it won’t always hurt this bad.  But I can’t grieve my grandma without grieving my Dad too.

It’s Complicated

When my Dad died I was in the middle of a masters program and I literally did not have time to grieve.  Once I had to go back after the summer and finish the second year, I didn’t have any family support because my school was across the country.

I cried unconsolably for an hour every week at first.  I don’t know why, and to this day I have no idea what set me off.  I cried every yoga class, and I absolutely lost it in our body-awareness/tension releasing type classes.  (Part of being a classical singer.)  I was literally trying to hold myself together and get through and any attempt to get me to relax just shattered me.

At the year mark I knew I wasn’t done grieving, but I could tell that people were getting annoyed with me for bringing it up.  To be fair, all of these people were those who hadn’t experienced the loss of a parent yet, so they had no way of understanding.

I had gotten some therapy because I knew that this would be a complicated grief.  My Dad and I had a difficult relationship because of his alcoholism, so there was more than just his death to deal with.  While therapy was very helpful, it wasn’t exactly the fast track to healing.  You have to do the work.  You have to feel your feelings, and ultimately, you need to take the time it takes even if its not on society’s schedule.

Sorting through it all

These days I’m having trouble sleeping again, but I’m able to pick up the pieces of my life that I left behind when my grandma got sick.  I miss her.  Slowly I’m sorting through what my life means now that she’s not in it.  I’m realizing how much I revolved my life around her, and I feel a bit lost.  I get emotional pretty easy, but my tears aren’t uncontrollable.  Her death is easier to handle because I know she lived a full life and it was her time.

I feel really alone.  I’m an only child of an only child, so I have no one to share my memories with.  Yes, other people knew her, but most of my memories involve just me and her.  I don’t have a sibling I can say “remember when” with and my Dad (her son) is long gone.  I’ve essentially lost half of my family tree and it feels terrible.

I’m more patient with myself this time around.  Finally I’m at a place in life where I can give myself a bit of time to breathe.  Yet I still want to emotional eat & shop my way to happiness, even though I know that the answers aren’t at the bottom of a plate or a bag.

Unfortunately the only way through is through.  You can’t rush grief and you can’t stop your emotions without serious consequences.  If you’ve recently lost someone you love, I hope this post helps you feel less alone.  There’s really no right or wrong way to grieve, so even if your experience isn’t like mine, its okay.

So, how are you, really?  I’d love to hear how things are honestly going for you if you’ve recently lost someone you loved.



 

Kristen Raney

Kristen is a former farm kid turned urban gardener who owns the popular gardening website, Shifting Roots.  She is obsessed with growing flowers and pushing the limits of what can be grown in her zone 3b garden.  She also loves to grow tomatoes, but oddly enough, dislikes eating them raw.

36 Comments
Filed Under: Uncategorised Tagged: 20 something, 20's, 30 something, 30's, death, dying, emotions, grief, grieving

About Kristen Raney

Kristen is a former farm kid turned urban gardener who owns the popular gardening website, Shifting Roots.  She is obsessed with growing flowers and pushing the limits of what can be grown in her zone 3b garden.  She also loves to grow tomatoes, but oddly enough, dislikes eating them raw.

Comments

  1. Dani says

    February 20, 2018 at 4:32 pm

    I am in my early 30's and just lost my dad. He died suddenly and unexpectedly while working and laughing in his shop on his property. My mom was with him when it happened. We don't know what caused it, neither does his doctor, he was laughing one minute and gone the next, it was very sudden. It was in December of 2017 when I got the phone call from my mom and I went into shock, then that whole month was a painful blur. It's February now, and it does seem like some people expect me to "snap out of it" soon, but i just can't, and honestly I don't even want to. I can do what I need to do for my family, I can get my responsibilities taken care of, but i can't be, feel or act like i used to. I think about him ALL the time, it hurts and there are still days where it doesn't seem real. It is comforting to see blogs like this, to read about other peoples experience and journey through grief. Thank you for writing this.
    Reply
    • Kristen Raney says

      February 20, 2018 at 9:39 pm

      You’re welcome, you and others like you is the reason I wrote this. I’m so sorry he died and that it was such a terrible shock. 2 months is way too soon to be “over it.” Please be kind to yourself. Grief sucks and takes so much energy. My Dad’s death was unexpected too (car accident) and I felt like it took me 18 months to feel okay again. I promise you will feel happiness again someday. Until that day comes, my heart is with you.
      Reply
    • Evelin Esteban says

      December 27, 2020 at 9:51 am

      Thank you so much for this!!!! It’s been very helpful during this time of uncertainty. My father died from COVID-19 (it’s only been a month since he is gone)and I’ve been trying to find ways to cope and usually I just put a brave face for my kids (all 5 are under 10 years old) but once they are asleep I break down and cry it all out. My father was a strong man and usually never got sick he had no prior health problems. My father himself thought it would be just a really bad chest tightening and that he would come out of it. I had 30 wonderful years with him and I had really hope I would have had at least another 20 years with him ( my dad had just turned 54 years old 3 weeks prior to his death!!). Right now I feel like I’m in a daze and that it isn’t real and I catch myself looking at my dad’s phone number knowing full well I can’t even call it anymore i feel so lost without him or without his random calls !!
      Reply
      • Kristen Raney says

        January 3, 2021 at 8:15 pm

        Oh I feel you on the phone calls. I still sometimes start dialling my Grandma's number and it's been 4 years!
        Reply
  2. Danielle says

    May 18, 2018 at 8:43 pm

    I lost my mom December of 2017. No one has talked to me about this. Other family expects me to carry on and be working. I can only work part-time now. My at-home job let go of everyone due to an app failure. I am stuck in a tiny town, alone. Each day, I pray for a miracle.
    Reply
    • Kristen Raney says

      May 18, 2018 at 9:13 pm

      I feel like talking about dying is so taboo in our society. It's like we're not allowed to grieve once the person has been buried. I'm so sorry you're dealing with job issues on top of grieving. My heart is with you.
      Reply
  3. Lars says

    May 22, 2018 at 1:04 pm

    I just lost a 5 year girlfriend which my world revolves. To suicide! And its been a month. I can't think anyway to be normal. I jusy and cannot sleep better.
    Reply
    • Kristen Raney says

      May 23, 2018 at 9:50 pm

      I am so sorry for your loss. It's normal not to feel normal. Honestly, don't even try. Grieving hurts and it's better to feel the feelings than try to push them aside. A month is still so fresh, give yourself time. A lot of time. There will come a day when you will sleep again or laugh again and it will make you a bit sad because you're moving on, but it will also make you happy because it means that you are healing.
      Reply
  4. Jeni says

    June 13, 2018 at 11:53 pm

    I lost my dad today and I really don’t know how to handle so much pain. It’s a mix of emotions and rollercoaster and fear. He was our strength mentally, I don’t know if I can can ever cope up with this loss. I want to hear him one time before he left. Talk to him and ask him if he is okay!
    Reply
    • Kristen Raney says

      June 17, 2018 at 10:38 pm

      I am so, so, sorry for your loss. Everything feels so raw right now. The pain is terrible--please try and be gentle with yourself. I promise someday you will feel better, but for now, just feel your feelings and give yourself lots of grace. Sending you much love.
      Reply
    • Rachele says

      August 8, 2019 at 12:33 am

      Thank you for writing this. I lost my mom to cancer last November. I was 31, she was only 59. My Dad has not been taking it well, and my brother and his family moved a 15 hour drive away shortly after. I switched jobs right before she died from night shift to days to spend more time with her, and now am feeling stressed out of my mind wishing I had my old job back. I also lost a boyfriend to suicide 8 years ago and my current boyfriend is not supportive, possibly emotionally abusive. My mom was my rock. She was basically my only real support and I feel absolutely lost without her. I oscillate between missing her selfishly for all the help she have me and genuinely missing her for just who she was or just wanting her around. I feel guilt and anxiety ridden all the time. I am depressed and irritable and feel so pessimistic and miserable like the world is against me. I feel like I've suffered so much it's not fair and I can't seem to reconcile that. It's just so hard, it seems like it's getting harder. It's been almost 9 months since she died but it feels rawer now than before, like the bandaid has been ripped off. I feel like I was in shock for the first however many months and only recently started to truly grieve. She suffered so much. It was a shocking and short death. She was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer in June and died 5 months later but it was like she was gone almost the moment she was diagnosed. I lost my mom that day. It's just been over a year since then now and I think that's why it's suddenly been so hard again. It's all I think about every day. Sometimes I can handle it and other times I just want to scream. Sharing this because I know others might understand. I feel like it's taboo to talk about how you truly feel but it's necessary and there's just nothing out there. We are not alone. Thank you again for sharing your story. It really does help. I pray that we will get through this and that we get to see our loved ones again someday on the other side.
      Reply
  5. Elizabeth says

    June 27, 2018 at 9:29 pm

    Thank you so much for your post. I lost my mom about two months ago, and it was also sudden and unexpected. She was my rock, my everything. As an only child this feels like an incredible burden and I don’t feel like I’ve even had time to grieve. Each day is so different and it’s difficult to wrap your head around. My heart aches reading the posts from others too - just knowing that they’re also going through so much pain. Be kind to yourself and give yourself time.
    Reply
    • Kristen Raney says

      June 28, 2018 at 4:45 pm

      You're welcome. Even though it's hard to see all these people in pain, it also makes my heart so happy that this post is doing what I hoped it would do. 9 years ago when I googled, "grieving in your 20's" nothing came up and I had never felt more alone. Now something comes up, and I'm glad it makes you feel less alone. I am also an only child, so I really sympathize with you on how big the burden is. Sending you all my love over the internet.
      Reply
  6. Sivashankari says

    September 27, 2018 at 10:55 am

    I lost my only surviving parent two months ago. We are expecting pur first & my dad just passed away so unexpectedly without even seeing his grandson. I am yet to come to terms with how a healthy person could just faint & die instantly. Currently living almost 16000 miles away its as if all that I have left are the memories in my head of them. I am an only child & what you wrote about noone there to share “remember when” resonates totally with me. My Mom passed away a decade back while I was in school & its also true that now I grieve her loss while grieving my dad’s.
    Reply
    • Kristen Raney says

      September 28, 2018 at 9:36 am

      I'm so sorry. The whole situation just feels so unfair. And I'm sure grief + pregnancy hormones = terrible times. I wish I had something to say to make it better. Please know that you're in my thoughts and prayers.
      Reply
  7. Yvette Gonzalez says

    October 4, 2018 at 7:29 am

    I’m 34 and I lost my 2 year old beautiful little girl to a horrible accident it’s going to be one year and it feel like yesterday everyday I cry my eyes out I miss her so much people try to be there for you which is awesome but wont understand what u are going through unless they experienced a loss.God is the only one that can heal your heart. There is hope! We have to hold on to the word ofGod that we will see them again. Lovely!!! Can’t wait but for now we have to press forward. We wanted life to stop but it didn’t so let’s hold on to Jesus hand and try to make this other half of our life the best! My little angel is more alive than ever and she couldn’t be in better hands. Love u all and keep pushing foward
    Reply
    • Kristen Raney says

      October 5, 2018 at 8:47 am

      Thank you for your comment. My heart goes out to you and I'm so sorry for your loss. I'll keep you in my prayers that God will give you strength through this terrible anniversary.
      Reply
  8. Caroline says

    October 10, 2018 at 5:29 pm

    My Mother died last Oct 03, 2017 because of Sepsis. It was sudden. I was still hoping that she will survived...but she didn't. It has been a year now. I am happy because I know that my Mother now is happy and free of her problems and pain in this earth. However, At times, I still feel so sad because I miss her very much. I always think of her. There are still times that I feel so empty and sad. Emptiness and sadness that I have never felt ever before. There are times that I cry... just to let it all out and then I'll be fine again. It's been a year now since her death and I miss her so much. Words can't really describe how much I miss her. Days before she died, she promised me that she will never leave me. Unfortunately, she still left me. They said that my mother never really left me. I just hope that is true. I miss her so much and still hurts so bad.
    Reply
    • Kristen Raney says

      October 11, 2018 at 12:36 pm

      I'm so sorry for your loss, that sounds terrible. I went through a similar process of crying too, and it lasted for far longer than I thought it would. There's no timeline for grieving, I'm so glad you're able to get your emotions out even if they are hard to bear.
      Reply
  9. AnnMarie says

    November 19, 2018 at 1:30 pm

    My mom died a week and a half-ago. It doesn't feel real. She didn't want to die. I have so many regrets. I wish I was more emotive, hug her more, let her know I was listening more, that I truly cared about her. I wish I'd called the ambulance sooner rather than wait until it was too late. The world for me has been a vacuum, but it's moving, and I am expected to move with it. I don't want to. I can't get over the final looks she had given to me. I feel like the worst daughter in the world for not calling the ambulance sooner.
    Reply
    • Kristen Raney says

      November 26, 2018 at 8:38 pm

      Oh AnnMarie, I'm so sorry. That must have been so terrifying. Even though it's hard, you can't blame yourself. Even if you had called the ambulance sooner she still might have had some other complication and would have died anyways. You'll never know and you'll drive yourself crazy with what-ifs. You did the best you could with the information you had at the time. A week and a half is still really fresh. Please keep talking to people, journalling, or seek counselling if there is some available to you. Sending you much love!!
      Reply
  10. Whitney says

    February 12, 2019 at 2:10 pm

    My Dad passed away at the end of December. It wasn't necessarily sudden. He had been diagnosed with a brain tumor/cancer in August of 2017. I feel like my family and I have been grieving since he was diagnosed. After he passed the grieving just became deeper and more painful. I spend my days trying not to think about it, or when I am thinking about it, trying to understand how this happened. I am caught in an endless loop and I feel like I am being torn apart. Part of me has to go on, move forward and live life. The other part is stuck unable to move on, unable to accept, unable to...well just unable. I know eventually I'll be able to pull myself together and move forward with my life, but, honestly, I have no interest in that right now. I just want my Dad back.
    Reply
    • Kristen Raney says

      February 12, 2019 at 5:02 pm

      I'm so sorry, that's such a long time to be grieving, especially when you count in the time of diagnosis. I so wish there was something I could say to make it better. Sending you virtual hugs.
      Reply
  11. sanya M says

    April 16, 2019 at 10:57 pm

    I am in my early 30's and just lost my dad. It has been just month I lost my dad because of liver damage. Though he fight with life for 15 days. Being elder daughter, I have to stay stronger so that i can take care of my mom and younger sister. Grieving period is worst phase of life which is more painful than anything else. When my dad was alive i used to fight with him a lot because of its drinking habits. Still today I feel if dad would have stopped drinking. But, can't helped him. I can't even cry in front of mom. So, it is more painful. Whole day I keep thinking about loving dad while sitting in office. I just pray to god that give me strength to move forward in life. Really life is become aimless, hopeless, and helpless. :( Broken completely.
    Reply
    • Kristen Raney says

      April 17, 2019 at 4:59 pm

      I am so sorry, I wish there was something I could say to make it better. Just know that you're not alone.
      Reply
  12. Erica says

    November 19, 2019 at 2:29 pm

    I'm 31 and just lost my mom last month during a preventative brain aneurysm procedure (aside from watching over 2 brain aneurysms for 9 years, my mom was entirely healthy). Death was the last thing any of us thought would happen to her during this procedure. To lose a mom is one thing but to lose a mom who was also my best friend is another. I feel like it's a double whammy. I'm currently trying to locate a therapist to talk to one-on-one in the meantime until the bereavement support group I signed up for starts in late January. My dad is beside himself and we're all still in shock and disbelief. We're expecting her to walk through the door or drive her car up the driveway any minute. My mom took care of all of us and was so vibrant and wonderful, it hurts so bad that she's suddenly gone. Whenever I'm by myself I can't handle it, I feel so overcome with sadness and emptiness, my heart literally hurts. I even found that I'm crying differently, more of a pained whine/cry that I've never done before, but now that I'm doing it it makes sense based off the extreme love I had for my mom. I know that life will move on and we'll find a the "new norm" that everyone talks about, but I wish so badly that I could just have her back in my life. It was my time to give back to my parents and thank them for all that they did for me. Now I will just need to do that for my father and help him through this, too. I appreciate you posting about your losses and seeing everyone else's comments brings a little bit of comfort in knowing I'm not going crazy.
    Reply
    • Kristen Raney says

      November 28, 2019 at 9:58 am

      I'm so sorry. I know it hurts so bad. You're doing all the right things and I promise the grief will eventually get more manageable. Sending you so much love.
      Reply
  13. Megan says

    February 28, 2020 at 9:03 pm

    I just lost my dad he was 62 and I was 34 and my sister was 37 I do miss him. His birthday was in August like mine. It’s like you can’t believe this happened like it’s not real and another part of you knows it’s real. I sometimes write stories to my dad in my notebooks that’s a healthy thing to do. The pain does take time but it’s good to cry.
    Reply
    • TJ says

      December 14, 2020 at 12:20 am

      I lost my dad as well. He was 72 and I am 37. He passed away December 5th 2020. It does feel unreal. I feel like he will call and talk to me while I'm working, but I know better. I never thought to write stories. That's a good idea. My dad wrote poems. I used to write them in high school. I will keep you in my prayers.
      Reply
  14. Anonymous says

    September 13, 2020 at 3:04 pm

    I have had a couple of great losses in my life - the first my grandma - I was just 19, we had just started developing that friend relationship - her last words to me about the sudden loss of my first love were “you will meet someone who deserves you” - ten years on I’m still waiting to realise that. Her loss was raw - I was in the middle of my a levels, it was so sudden, she was 74 and so full of life. When I think of her, I non longer get sad - I suppose she had been gone for a third of my life - I suppose these days I wish for what could have been. Would she be proud of me? How many car journeys did we miss out on? How many shopping trips? How close could we have been? I he second was my step sister - cut down at 26 by epilepsy - by chance i just arrived home when it happened. For this death I don’t feel like I have grieved - maybe I didn’t need to - perhaps our relationship wasn’t close enough, although we had lived together for 12 years we were desolate strangers. My fondest memory is a cycle car in Devon at 11 years old. My deepest regret is the fear I felt that I would die as penance for not loving her enough not appreciating her enough; but I reconciled myself with the fact that we can’t dictate our lives, as much as I wish we had been more sisterly it wasn’t to be - i just cherish those moments we had together as children. She will be forever young to me. Finally the penultimate one - my grans death was slow - she had been ill for some time, despite us all facing the inevitable, my mind was torn. I was 25 when she died, the person who had gotten me through so much. She had always been a phone call away - a hot cup of tea, jam sandwiches and the warmest smile you could imagine. Despite the preparation, despite the endless conversations about how I would cope without her (with her) despite forcing her to write a long wind paragraph in my last birthday card and endless video recordings - writing this draws tears to my eyes. The one person who I feel i will miss for the rest of my life: I treasure the fact I have loved someone so much that they have left such an impression on my day to day life; be that I miss a cup of tea on my lunch break or just the endless support and unwavering encouragement. The loss of my gran has left a mark that, even I can’t begin to understand, but it’s there and I’m so glad that the fire she left me with can never be extinguished, the soft glow of grief makes me remember that she was real and she was here for me, and that she still is - just in my dreams. And that’s ok and it’s ok to feel sad.
    Reply
  15. Char says

    September 17, 2020 at 8:07 pm

    I lost both my parents within a year of each other. My dad suddenly to a heart attack, and he left my mother with her undiagnosed (but well established) dementia and an outdated will. She died a year later, when i was 30. The resulting estate battle between sisters due to the outdated will and the fact that Dad left everything to my demented Mom who could not speak for hersef, has left the family fractured. I just wanted my eldest sister to use that money for our mom. Instead she made herself executor, froze the estate, and put Mom into an inappropriate care home where she quickly got removed from due to aggression and then dumped in hospital to live out her days strapped in a chair. She was 64. us 3 sisters are all over the world (Canada, Australia), and the eldest has estranged both younger sisters as soon as Moms estate settled and she got her money. My only surviving family member and I can only speak on the phone since COVID. I am not even sure what I am grieving for anymore. My dad? My mom? My sister? Am I homesick? Pure loneliness? How do you even know how to fix it when you don't know what the problem is?
    Reply
    • Kristen Raney says

      September 22, 2020 at 9:18 pm

      I am so sorry. I think COVID makes grieving 100 times worse for those who've lost someone in and around this period. Honestly, you're probably grieving it all and it's going to take a long time to unpack all those emotions. But please know that you're not alone. So many families struggle with situations like these and it's so heartbreaking.
      Reply
  16. TJ says

    December 14, 2020 at 12:07 am

    I lost my personal super hero a piece to my heart..my dad. December 5th 2020. I was working when I got the call that he could not be revived. I felt like time stopped and everything was just quiet. I didn't even recognize my cry. Begging for it to be a lie. My husbrushed me to his place. The police confirmed it, but I wanted him to come to the door. I kind of even waited to see if he would even as I walked in his place. It hurts so bad. They say it was a natural death, but I wish I could have been there. Maybe I could have saved him. I hate when it gets dark, it gets harder. I think more and I cry even more. I miss him so much it hurts. I know he is in a better place, but the pain i feel seems so unbearable. I have to clean out his place and I don't want to. I have to go back and its hard too. It feels so unreal and going back makes it real. I play the Sims game and pretend I made him and that he is still here. I know its dumb, but it helps a little. I just feel incomplete. I swear I can hear his voice so clear in my head. I love you dad always will.
    Reply
    • Kristen Raney says

      January 8, 2021 at 8:45 pm

      Hi TJ, I read your comment and I'm so sorry for your loss. It's so hard. I promise you that while you'll never forget him, that someday the grief won't be so heavy.
      Reply
  17. Nicole Johnson says

    January 1, 2021 at 12:38 am

    Hi Kristen! I just randomly found your page and your post was very good. I love that it wasn't a how-to guide like you said and you definitely made me feel less lonely. My grandmother died in November and I've been getting on ok. We were moderately close and she raised us all on her own pretty much so she meant the world to me and my siblings. I decided to stay home for New Years (which just passed not even two hours ago) and I got surprisingly overwhelmed. I'm not sure if I'm managing well or if I'm not in touch with myself or if I'm suppressing things. For some reason, I'm always surprised when I get emotional. She was old even when she took us on as babies so there's always been this huge fear and anticipation of her passing but by the grace of God, she stayed around until I turned 33 -- she passed at 90. I feel unbelievably grateful and happy that she lived such a full life and touched so many people. There's a part of me that I feel has come to terms with her passing, but then I don't understand why I'm so emotional or upset. Guess this is just what grieving is (??) ... Anyways, I would love to know if you have an update on where you are in terms of your grandmother and Dad's death now -- if it's not too much to revisit. Much of your article resonated with me and I'm happy I found it. Anyways, Happy New Year and I hope you are well.
    Reply
    • Kristen Raney says

      January 3, 2021 at 8:11 pm

      Hey! I'm so sorry for your loss, it sucks, especially in Covid times to lose someone. I think what you're describing about grieving is totally normal. I felt the same way about my grandma. I still think of her every single day and how proud she'd be of me and how she'd love to meet my two younger girls (she was alive to meet my son). It's weird how 4 years later, the emotions are not overwhelming at all, but I'm very surprised how often she crosses my mind with a combination of sorrow and peace. And same with my Dad, and that's been 11 years now. Thank you again for reaching out, and maybe someday I will write a followup piece.
      Reply

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Welcome!

Hi, I'm Kristen and I help new gardeners learn to grow their own vegetables and beautify their yards. I also share recipes that use all that delicious garden produce. Grab a coffee (and your gardening gloves) and join me for gardening tips, simple recipes, and the occasional DIY, all from the lovely city of Saskatoon, Saskatchewan.

P.S. First time gardener? You'll want to download the quick start gardening guide below!

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Welcome!

Hi, I’m Kristen and I help new gardeners learn to grow their own vegetables and beautify their yards. I also share recipes that use all that delicious garden produce. Grab a coffee (and your gardening gloves) and join me for gardening tips, simple recipes, and the occasional DIY, all from the lovely city of Saskatoon, Saskatchewan.

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I love seeing the world through this loving boy’ I love seeing the world through this loving boy’s eyes.  Honestly, I’ve been so sick that I wasn’t really in the mood to “do Valentines Day” but there was this sweet little voice going on about how excited he was for today and how much he loves his family and I just couldn’t resist.  So whether you’re on your own, part of a couple, or in the thick of life-with-littles craziness, Happy Valentines Day!

#valentinesday2020 #mylittlevalentine #boymomlife #lifewithlittles
How do you pass a cold -28 day? By planning your How do you pass a cold -28 day?  By planning your garden, of course!  Today in my stories I’ll be going through the steps I take to start planning everything out.  I’m curious, do you start planning now or wait until the last minute?

P.S.  want your own copy of this planner?  This is the newly updated paid version and it’s on sale by itself from now until Sunday for only $5.  If you’re from Canada, use the code CANADA to make $5 USD be closer to $5 CAD.  Head over to the link in my bio to get yours.

#gardenplanning #gardenplanner #gardenersofinstagram #gardenersofig #organizedlife #organizedliving #wintergardening
Curious about growing lettuce indoors? My experim Curious about growing lettuce indoors?  My experiment is a success so far, although it’s still going to be awhile before I’m eating another salad off of them.

Okay, so maybe a little rant today.  I think sometimes in the gardening space we’re guilty of making things seem easier than they are.  Myself included.  This lettuce project is a case in point.

Was it easy?  Yes.  But will it provide me with endless salads all winter long? Nope.  Or at least not at this scale.  I’m going to estimate that I’d need at least 15 plants this size, especially since it’s winter and everything just grows slower.  And I’m the only person in my family who really eats salad.

In conclusion, this is a fun project to pass the winter, and not a truly sustainable source of lettuce.

Thoughts?

#growinglettuce #eatwhatyougrow #growwhatyoueat #wintergardening #indoorgardening #plantproject #sustainablefood #gardenersofinstagram #gardenerslife #northerngardening
Part of the mystery of seed starting is knowing ex Part of the mystery of seed starting is knowing exactly what to start when.  Every two weeks, I'll be posting these handy guides so you have enough time to order your seeds and be ready to plant when it's time for your area.  To find out when these veggies, herbs, and flowers need to be started where you live. . . ⁠
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1. Search out your area's last frost date.  There are plenty of calculators on the Internet.⁠
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2. Count backwards 8 weeks from that date.⁠
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3. Start these seeds when that date hits.⁠
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If you follow me because we're in similar zones--don't panic, it's not time yet!! I won't be starting my 10 week seeds for another two weeks, and even that is slightly on the early side. (I'm starting everything a bit early so I can hopefully plant it out before baby gets here--I won't be physically able to do it after.) I like posting the info early for followers in warmer zones and so you can save it and still have time to order/buy seeds & supplies.⁠
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Which one of these are you most excited to start?⁠
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#seedstarting #seedlings #homegardener #northerngardener #homesteading #urbandhomesteading #homesteadingskills #gardenlife #gardenlifestyle #startingseeds
Eeeek!!! My luffa seedlings are up!! I’m growing Eeeek!!! My luffa seedlings are up!! I’m growing the whole seed packet in hopes that a few of these little luffa babies will provide me with zero waste sponges that I can use for home cleaning, and as an exfoliant in home made beauty products.

The catch?

These plants are notoriously hard to grow, especially when you live somewhere cold with a really cold growing season—and if they get a hint of frost on them they turn to mush and all my hard work is ruined.

Gulp.

But gardeners are born optimists, so I’m giving it a shot—because you miss 100% of the shots you don’t take.

P.S. if you’re trying luffa in zone 3 like me, just basically ignore all the directions on the seed packet.  Start them immediately (two weeks ago would have been ideal) and follow along because I’ll show you exactly what to do and when.  I’ll be popping these under a grow light once the sun goes down.

#luffagourd #luffa #loofah #seedlings #seedstarting #northerngardening #northerngardener #gardenersofinstagram #gardenersofig #mygardenthismonth #gardenlife #canadiangardening
This weekend I took a big leap of faith. I came t This weekend I took a big leap of faith.  I came to New York to meet with other content creators/business owners to dig deep into what we do and create a strategy around our messaging.  I don’t even know how to properly describe what all went down, but is was incredibly life changing and I really feel connected to this tribe of women who are committed to playing to win and being the people our businesses need us to be.  I’m so excited to share what I’ve planned for my business with you in the coming months.

#playtowin #gardenblogger #businessowner #wahmlife
Is there such a thing as a no-fail houseplant? I Is there such a thing as a no-fail houseplant?  I think the Sansevera or Snake Plant or Mother-in-law’s tongue comes close.  Sure, it might be the vanilla of the plant-loving world, but it is so good for so many situations!⁠
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It can handle you forgetting to water it, low light, or bright light.  It is somewhat forgiving if you are an over-waterer. ⁠
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I’ve had this one for 2 or 3 years now and I keep getting rewarded with more spikes.⁠
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Plant lovers, is there another houseplant you think would be perfect for beginners?⁠
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#crazyplantlady #houseplantsofig #houseplantsofinstagram #snakeplant #houseplantlove
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